The phrase, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, was part of the lyrics from an Otis Redding song that was rearranged, rephrased, and made popular by Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, in 1967. This song resonates with a fundamental principle, the call to define respect. It may seem strange for an article, written for a Christian publication, to begin with a line from a number-one hip-hop song from over five decades ago. But that statement begs for an answer that I would like to explore.

Respect, let's find out what it means.

The definition of respect is a deep admiration, a positive regard, or the recognition of inherent value or qualities.

In a recent Bible class, which I teach to a group of high school seniors, I posed the question: As a senior in high school, what do you ultimately want in life?  --- Crickets! I thought perhaps the question was too broad, too simple, or confusing. Possibly the Seniors’ brains were not engaged yet, after all, it was early, 11 a.m. on a Monday.

After a period of uncomfortable silence, while waiting for a response, some looked at the ground, so as not to be called on, then others started to look around at each other. Then, with puzzled looks, they stared at the ceiling, looking for inspiration.

Finally, answers began to eke out.  One boy said, “I want a pretty wife. Another blurted out, I want to make a lot of money. Suddenly, the brain synapses started to connect. I want a nice car, I want to go to college, I want to be a doctor, I want a nice home, and of course, the most honest answer comes from a young man in the back of the room: I just want to go to lunch.

Transitionally, I shared this earthshaking concept with them: that what they ultimately desire in life, whether it's a successful career, wealth, or personal comfort, is often rooted in a desire for respect. I again got blank, distant stares, but I could smell the smoke of their brains kicking into gear.

Practicing the Socratic pedagogy of teaching, I asked some more profound, probing questions: What does the world say will get you respect? Someone suggested that to be respected, you must have a specific career like a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Others indicated that respect comes from owning a nice car, living in a big house, having a lot of money, wearing nice clothes, and being a physical specimen of humanity (in their lingo: a sick babe or a fire hunk).  Another suggested that it depends on the college that you go to or the knowledge that one acquires. According to their perspective, respect is the result of something you have or something you must be.

Let’s consider the Biblical Foundation of Respect.

Respect begins with a proper view of God. In the Bible, words often translated as "honor," "fear," or "reverence" share a common idea: recognizing worth and showing it outwardly. Proverbs 1:7 – "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." Respect starts with reverence for God's holiness, authority, and truth. Deuteronomy 10:12 – "What does the Lord your God require of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul."

5 Focal Areas of Respect:

1. Respect for God

The initial perspective of respect is first vertical, toward God, then horizontal, toward others. To respect God means to live in awe of His majesty, obey His Word, and submit to His will.

• Psalm 33:8 – "Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him."
• John 14:15 – "If you love me, keep my commandments."

Having respect for God is different than simply acknowledging Him or His existence. Respect for God is foundational in sharing the Gospel with others. People want to see that our faith matters to us. They are like Ben Franklin when asked why he was going to hear George Whitefield preach. "You don't even believe what he says," people told Franklin. To which he replied, "I know. But he does." Showing respect for God speaks to others through our testimony.

The theme verse at the Wilds Christian Camp in Brevard, NC, is 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Whether therefore ye eat or drink or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” Rand Hummel, former program director, explained that verse meant that whatever we do, as believers, will give someone our opinion of our God. Our lives are a sermon; we should be careful what we preach.

When we properly respect God, the vertical relationship, it shapes our behavior, speech, worship, and treatment of others, the horizontal relationships.

2. Respect for Authority

The Bible consistently teaches that respect for authority reflects respect for God, since He establishes all authority.

• “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resists the power, resists the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation” (Romans 13:1-2).
• 1 Peter 2:13-17 "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: As free and not using your liberty for a cloak of maliciousness, but as the servants of God. Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king."

He also addresses the proper respect for authority in the home:

• Ephesians 6:1-3 " Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."

The Biblical principle of respect for authority includes teachers, pastors, government officials, and all in positions of responsibility. Respect doesn't always mean agreement, but it always means honoring God in how we respond.

3. Respect for Others

All people deserve respect because they are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Respect recognizes the inherent value of each person, regardless of background, ability, or belief.

• Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you."
• Philippians 2:3–4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

The sanctity of life has been in question since the fall of man. Abortion and genocide have plagued humanity for many years. Conflicts about the value of one life over another have led to wars and the death of millions. The disrespect of human life in the womb has now reached over 63 million in the United States since the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision to legalize abortion.

• James 2:1-9 Condemns favoritism; genuine respect is impartial, “My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.” Then, after sharing several examples of possible favoritism, he declares, “But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.”

Kowtow is a phrase that originated in the Far East. It literally means touching one’s forehead to the ground while in a kneeling position. It was common in China and Buddhist nations for a servant to show obeisance and deference to a superior. In modern, often slang usage, "kowtow" means to be overly eager to please or flatter someone in a position of authority.

It carries a negative connotation of weakness, acting in a manner showing excessive eagerness to please someone in power, often by being overly agreeable, flattering, or obedient. Showing favoritism, because of position, power, or prestige, is not respect.

4. Respect in Leadership and Service

In leadership, respect is a two-way street: to be respected, we must show respect. There is a difference between earned respect, which is based on character and actions, and demanded respect, which is based on authority or position.

Biblical leadership is grounded in respect—both giving and achieving it.

• Earned respect is perpetual and strong; it is based on the consistent demonstration of respect-worthy qualities.
• Demanded respect, on the other hand, is temporal and circumstantial. It is based on a temporary situation or a specific demand. I am reminded of a college professor who stood in front of her class and demanded that her students obey her because, as she declared, "I am the teacher." Being large and in charge does not foster respect. Once those students were beyond her class, they spoke rarely of her at all. The influence of a respected teacher can never be erased.

• 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 "And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labor among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves."
• 1 Timothy 5:17 – "Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially they who labor in the word and doctrine."

5. Respect for Self

Perhaps the most challenging concept for believers is to have a Biblical respect for self, to appreciate the person that God created. We are called to live with self-respect rooted in humility, not pride. 

My parents used to preach, "You get what you pay for." Their lesson translated into how price reflects value. Nothing in the universe is more valuable than the human soul because it has the highest price tag. The wages of sin could only be satisfied by Christ’s death so that man would have eternal life.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "… know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”

Nowhere in the Bible are we told not to think of ourselves. Romans 12:3, " For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."

We are often commanded to examine ourselves. Self-examination is the spiritual discipline of introspectively assessing one's life and spiritual condition to see if it aligns with God's standards and the teachings of Christ. To do this, we must think of ourselves.

2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?” is a call to self-reflection to ensure one's faith is genuine and that Jesus Christ is truly our Savior.

1 Corinthians 11:27-29, Paul calls for the believers at Corinth to examine their motives for partaking in the Lord's table. Gluttony and gorging of the bread and wine had diminished from something to be reverenced and sacred to an indiscriminate secular buffet. Paul said that to do so was to eat and drink judgment on themselves.

Respect for self means living in a way that honors God with dignity and purpose.

How Should Christians Respond to Disrespect?

• Remember Who You Represent.

When someone disrespects you, your natural reaction might be to fight back, defend yourself, or withdraw. But Scripture reminds us: "Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus." (Colossians 3:17). Remember, you represent Christ, not yourself. Your response should reflect His character, not the offender's behavior. In 1 Peter 2:23, "Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judges righteously." Jesus modeled self-control and trust in God's justice, not personal revenge.

• Respond with Gentleness, Not Retaliation.

Retaliation feels satisfying for a moment—but it never glorifies God or restores peace. Romans 12:17–21 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." In Proverbs 15:1, we are reminded that "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." The Spirit-led response to disrespect is gentleness, not weakness. It takes more strength to respond calmly than to react harshly.

• Don't Take It Personally, take It Spiritually.

It's a good reminder that most disrespect is rooted in brokenness, not in you. People act out of pain, insecurity, or sin. Our task, as believers, is not to absorb their poison but to reflect Christ's grace. It is good to memorize Ephesians 6:12 to understand that ultimately our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of evil. The real battle is spiritual, not personal. My wife often says to me, "Their disrespect says more about them than it does about you."

• Guard Your Heart.

Disrespect can easily lead to resentment, bitterness, or pride if left unchecked. That's why Scripture says: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23). Did you see those first three words, "above ALL else?" What is the else? Hebrews 12:14-15 admonishes and warns us, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." That root of bitterness will grow into a toxic, poisonous plant that can rob a Christian of their joy, strength, and purpose.

First, guarding our hearts requires that we ask God to help. Then we must forgive quickly, even if we never receive an apology. Harboring bitterness in our hearts will be like cancer to our souls. Then we must let go of offense and refuse to continue rehashing the disrespect. Proverbs 18:14b asks a rhetorical question: "…a wounded spirit who can bear?" The answer is no one. We do not have the strength to carry a wounded spirit alone. If we do not give it to the Lord, we will recruit others to shoulder the load. Soon, our toxic spirit will infect those around us.

The Biblical answer to responding to disrespect is to see the other person as God sees them (and how He sees you).

• Ephesians 4:31-32 " Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Lastly, sometimes guarding your heart means you must not remain on the defensive (guarding). Sometimes we must take deliberate action and be courageous and discerning to confront with grace when necessary.

Gentle Jesus, meek and mild, is often portrayed as the Christian's only response to being disrespected.

We are told to “just turn the other cheek.” This phrase is usually taken out of context. Jesus was not telling His followers to be punching bags for disrespect. It is an instruction not to retaliate with violence when insulted or attacked, but rather to respond with nonresistance. It is not a command for passive submission, but rather a form of creative nonviolent resistance intended to de-escalate conflict and uphold dignity.

I read an article in the devotional, Our Daily Bread, many years ago, about an organization in San Francisco called the D.O.O.R.M.A.T.S. The acrostic stood for Dependent Organization Of Really Meek And Timid Souls (February 8, 2009). Their motto was: the meek shall inherit the earth-if that's okay with everybody? Their symbol was the yellow traffic light. Their group slogan was Cower Power.  This group's membership was made up of people who believed they were put on the earth for others to wipe their feet on, a namby-pamby, non-confrontational sect of religion.

Being a Christian doesn't mean being a doormat. There are times when loving confrontation is appropriate and necessary. The Bible instructs us about when and how to confront.

• Matthew 18:15 – " if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother."
• Galatians 6:1 – " Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

Here is the underlying principle: we should confront privately, humbly, and prayerfully — not publicly or angrily. The goal is restoration, not revenge.

• Trust God to Defend You.

When you're mistreated or disrespected, remember: God sees it all. He is our defender and advocate. Psalm 37:5-6 declares, " Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday." Then in Romans 12:19, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

• Learn from the Experience.

Sometimes disrespect reveals areas where we can grow in humility, patience, or wisdom. Two things are evident when we reflect on our lives as believers: God causes some things to happen, and God allows some things to happen. Our response reflects our spiritual understanding and maturity in the faith.

James 1:2-4 " My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." What can I learn from this moment? How can I reflect Christ better next time?

Christlike respect means responding to disrespect with grace, strength, and forgiveness. Do not mirror disrespect — reflect Christ instead—model self-control in speech, tone, and attitude. Encourage reconciliation, not gossip or division. "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6).

When Christians respond to disrespect with love, truth, and peace, they reveal the transforming power of the Gospel.

Final Thoughts:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T finding out what it means to me is a study worth continual pursuit. In the world, we are promised tribulations, but Christ assured us that in Him we can be of good cheer, for He has overcome the world (John 16:33). We are also commanded to: "Bless them that curse you and pray for them which despitefully use you" (Luke 6:28). That is impossible to do with our own strength. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).

Biblical respect is important because it reflects God's nature and the value of all people, promoting healthy relationships and a positive witness to others.