What do you do when a decision has been made that is unfair? What do you do when you have been accused of something that is not true? 

In college, I was accused of violating a rule I did not intentionally break. Subsequently, I was summoned to the Dean of Men’s office to discuss the infraction.  My explanation of the incident was unacceptable, and I was accused of lying. I had never been called a liar before, and that hurt.     When asked if I had anything else to say, I spouted, “It doesn’t matter what I have to say; you have your mind made up and are not going to believe me.” As consequences were levied, my anger began to boil. With that, he dismissed me from his office. My heart filled with the venom of injustice.  

Every step I took back toward my dorm seemed to exasperate my anger. When I reached my dorm room, I was ready to quit. After all, I was a grown man, a student in a Christian University studying for the ministry, who didn’t deserve to be treated like a degenerate junior high student.   

Angerly, I took my British literature book (which I despised anyway) and threw it against the wall. To my immediate satisfaction, a shower of pages floated aimlessly to the floor. I sat on the edge of my bunk bed, brooding and contemplating packing and leaving immediately.  

In walks my former roommate, Layton Talbert. He was one of the godliest men I have ever met. He was humble, gentle, and had a vibrant relationship with God.  He sat on the bunk across from me and said, “I don’t know what happened. Obviously, you are upset; you can make this a stumbling block or a stepping stone, but the choice is up to you. I am down the hall if you’d like to talk.” With that said, he got up, didn’t say another word, and left me alone in the room.   

I wished he would have tried to console me or “preach” to me—my mental and emotional guns were loaded to counterattack. But he didn’t. The Spirit of God used his simple words to change my life. Proverbs 25:11 (ESV) says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” I was convicted and convinced that God had a plan.  I didn't particularly appreciate enduring the consequences of the unjust accusation, but I did. I overcame what could have been a detriment to God’s will for my life. His words were well-placed and suitable then and extremely valuable to me.  

This experience, as unfair as it was, became a catalyst for my personal and professional growth.  

Ten years passed. I taught and coached in a Christian school in Hickory, North Carolina. A freshman couple was becoming too serious and physical in their relationship. Their parents met with the administration and requested that the two be kept separate at school. The parents wanted to slow things down between them. I had both in a fourth-period history class. By the time they got to my class, they had been separated in each of the first three periods of the day. 

So, when they came into my class, I instructed the young man to sit on one side of the room and his girlfriend on the other.  The fellow went over to his seat, slammed his books down, and said out loud, “It’s not fair.” His demeanor affected the entire class. He was visibly and verbally angry. His actions demonstrated that he would be uncooperative in the class. I asked him to sit up and correct his attitude, or he would have to leave my classroom. He got up, pushed his chair over, glared at me, and said, “Fine, I don’t want to be here anyway.” He exited the room loudly, slamming the door behind him.  I instructed my class to work quietly on a study guide while I went to talk to the young man. 

When I left my classroom, he was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands. I walked over and sat down beside him.  I said, “I am not sure what has happened, but you can make this a stumbling block or a stepping stone, but the choice is up to you. If you can get your composure and get to work, you are welcome to come back to my class. I’m available if you want to talk.” I went back to teach my class. In about ten minutes, he returned, went to his desk, finished his work, and got back on track. I was eventually able to counsel him and help him through the situation. 

At that moment, I understood why God had allowed me to endure the unfair event in college. He knew that I would need to help a young student in my ministry ten years later. After four decades of working with young people, I have repeated that phrase at least a dozen times to different students in similar situations.  

You can learn how to be or how not to be.

One of the phrases I constantly reiterate to my students and staff is, “You can learn from every situation; you can learn how to be or how not to be.” Much like Layton said to me that fall day at Bible college, this pithy phrase holds a similar truth. It's a lesson I've learned from my own experiences and one I hope to instill in those I mentor.  

My years as a Christian administrator have been shaped by the sum of the administrators I have served under.  Some were influential, creative, and full of experiential wisdom. Their influence has been profound, shaping my leadership style and the decisions I make. Equally important are the administrators whose decisions and habits I am determined to avoid, as they, too, have contributed to my growth and development.  

When interviewing new teachers, I usually ask them two related questions.  

1. I asked them who influenced them to become a teacher and what characteristics impressed them about that individual.  

Typically, the candidate can think of that person or persons immediately. They describe their compassion, enthusiasm, deep devotion, love, and work ethic, which good teachers will emulate in their classrooms.  

2. Then I ask a more difficult question: who do you not want to be like, and why?  

The response to this question usually takes more thought. After pondering for a few minutes, they typically have a name or two. Then they report that the teacher was lazy, uninvolved, too easy, inconsistent, harsh, bullied, etc. These people were forgettable. From these bad experiences, good teachers learn how not to be. 

Psalm 37:23 states, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord when he delights in his way.”  That verse does not indicate that the steps are always easy or understandable. However, it does assure us that the Lord orders and designs them.  Our responsibility is to delight in His way, knowing He knows what He is doing. 

In every challenging or amenable situation that God allows or orchestrates in our path, we can make it a stumbling block or a stepping stone; the choice is up to us.   

A word to the wise is always sufficient.