Recently, I have noticed the term "gaslighting" used to describe the gradual shift from what was once considered unacceptable and clearly defined standards to the embrace of non-traditional, often contradictory, double standards. Lately, "Boomers," as we have been somewhat dismissively labeled, seem to get plenty of exercise shaking our heads at the promotion of ideas that are unethical, illogical, and, at times, blatantly false.

Having served in Christian education for over four decades, it is deeply disheartening to witness the drift from biblical conservatism toward a more moderate—and sometimes compromised—worldview. I often find myself asking, what happened? What changed?

The only term that adequately explains how this has taken place is gaslighting. Honestly, I did not know what it meant until recently. However, I have discovered that it is an incredibly effective means of persuasion, often driven by subtle manipulation and propaganda.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity seeks to gain power by causing others to question their values, perceptions, and sense of reality. It is far more effective than many people realize. Anyone can be susceptible to gaslighting, and it is commonly used by abusers, narcissists, dictators, and cult leaders.

It is usually done gradually, over time, so the victim does not realize how much they have been manipulated or even "retrained" in their thinking. This is what makes it so dangerous—it rarely feels abrupt; instead, it feels like a slow drift.

The term's etymology derives from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a man manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. He slowly dims the gas lights in their home while denying that anything has changed. Meanwhile, he plants the idea that she is going insane. Since the 1960s, the term has been used to describe efforts to manipulate someone's perception of reality.

A Biblical Pattern: The First Gaslighting

Gaslighting is not a modern invention—it began in the Garden of Eden.

In Genesis 3, Satan introduces doubt with a carefully crafted question: "Did God really say…?" Eve responds accurately, even adding details about the consequences. Then comes the decisive move: "You will not surely die."

This is the classic progression:

• Introduce doubt
• Deny truth
• Replace it with a new narrative

Satan then escalates further by reframing God's intentions: "God knows… you will be like gods." In other words, God is portrayed as withholding something good, and Eve is positioned as a victim of limitation.

This is gaslighting at its core—redefining reality so convincingly that the victim begins to trust the lie over the truth. The result was not just deception, but a complete shift in allegiance, plunging mankind into sin and separation from God.

Gaslighting Attempted on Christ

Satan uses the same tactic in Matthew 4. After forty days of fasting, Jesus is physically vulnerable. Satan approaches Him with suggestions that appear logical and even beneficial:

• Turn stones into bread (meet your need)
• Jump from the temple (prove your identity)
• Bow once and gain the kingdoms (avoid suffering)

Each temptation is framed to sound reasonable, but each one subtly distorts truth and attempts to bypass God's plan—especially the cross, where the ultimate victory over sin would occur (Genesis 3:15).

Unlike Eve, however, Jesus responds with truth every time. He does not debate feelings or perceptions—He anchors Himself in the Word of God. This is the ultimate model for resisting gaslight.

Expanded Biblical Examples

Scripture provides numerous examples of this pattern:

• Pharaoh (Exodus 5): Reframes Israel's desire to worship as laziness, increases their workload, and then blames them for their suffering—creating confusion about justice and reality.
• Delilah (Judges 16): Uses emotional pressure and persistent questioning to override Samson's instincts, making him doubt his own judgment.
• Saul (1 Samuel 18–24): Repeatedly reassures David of goodwill while actively trying to kill him, creating instability and fear.
• Job's Friends (Job 4–22): Insist Job's suffering must be due to sin, distorting reality, and pressuring him to accept a false narrative.
• The Pharisees (Gospels): Constantly twist Jesus' words and use the Law to manipulate public perception, ultimately influencing the crowd to demand His crucifixion and release Barabbas instead.

In every case, truth is distorted to control perception, behavior, and outcomes.

Detailed Gaslighting Techniques

In her book, Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People - and Break Free, Dr. Stephanie Sarkis outlines eleven key tactics used by gaslighters.

1. They tell blatant lies.
   They confidently present falsehoods to establish confusion and destabilize trust.
2. They deny what they said—even with proof.
   This causes you to question your memory and perception.
3. They attack what matters most to you.
   Your values, beliefs, and identity become targets.
4. They wear you down over time.
   Small comments accumulate, gradually eroding confidence.
5. Their actions don't match their words.
   Creating instability and forcing you to interpret conflicting signals.
6. They use praise strategically.
   Positive reinforcement is used to confuse and control.
7. They create confusion intentionally.
   Instability makes people dependent on the gaslighter for clarity.
8. They project.
   Accusing you of the very things they are doing.
9. They align others against you.
   Isolation increases control and weakens resistance.
10. They question your sanity.
    Labeling you as irrational discredits everything you say.
11. They claim everyone else is lying.
    Positioning themselves as the only reliable source of truth.

Gaslighting in the Church

One of the most concerning realities is that these tactics can appear in church environments, often disguised as spiritual wisdom:

You're just being too sensitive

Example: Someone raises a concern about how another treated them in the church, possibly a leader.

Typical gaslighting response: "You're just being too sensitive" or "You are reading into the situation something that was not intended." Another common response is to become defensive and declare that the situation did not happen as it was perceived—that details have been twisted or omitted.

Results: Your experience is dismissed, and your perception is reinterpreted for you. This causes self-doubt and confusion. Yet Scripture calls for truth and accountability (Matthew 18:15–17).

Spiritualizing blame

Example: Someone disagrees with a leader's or a ministry's decision.

Typical gaslighting response: "The real issue here is your heart; you need to examine your own spirit before you start pointing out others' problems. Only by pride comes contention; you must have a pride issue."

Results: Legitimate concerns are reframed as heart issues or pride problems. The focus shifts from behavior to the individual's supposed spiritual deficiency. Yet Galatians 2:11–14 shows that correction is sometimes necessary—even for leaders. Though there may be some biblical principles rooted in the response, Scripture is a two-edged sword; it cuts both the receiver and the one wielding the blade.

Touch not God's anointed

Example: Sometimes a leader is confronted about a questionable decision, statement, or action.

Typical gaslighting response: The Bible says, "Touch not God's anointed. Let God take care of the leader, not you."

This phrase is often used out of context to silence criticism. It gradually places leaders in a class of untouchables. Eventually, it communicates a sense of serfdom, in which peasants are not allowed to question the leader. Scripture teaches accountability and warns that leaders will be judged more strictly (James 3:1). Hebrews 13:17 teaches respect for leaders, not blind obedience.

Rewriting what was said or done

Example: A church member confronts a leader who made an inadvertent or rash statement.

Typical gaslighting response: Statements are denied or reinterpreted: "That's not what I meant," or "You misunderstood what I said." Sometimes there is the defensive, vehement denial of "That's not what I said." The refocus makes the offender the victim and convinces the listener to "get it right."

Results: This shifts the burden onto the listener and creates doubt. Scripture clearly condemns this: "Lying lips are an abomination" (Proverbs 12:22). God clearly condemns lying and distortion.

Using forgiveness to avoid accountability

Example: In some churches, it is necessary to address repetitive, hurtful, or sinful behavior.

Typical gaslighting response: "You just need to forgive and move on. Continuing to bring this up reveals bitterness in your soul."

Results: Forgiveness is weaponized while ongoing harm is minimized.  Forgiveness does not cancel accountability. We are to hold each other accountable in Christlike love. There is no set limit to forgiveness. Luke 17:3 teaches both rebuke and forgiveness—never one without the other.

Leaving the church is leaving God.

Example: Perhaps someone decides to change churches because the church is not a good fit, does not meet their family's needs, or has become unhealthy.

Typical gaslighting response: "You know, leaving here means you are stepping out of the will of God because you are walking away from where God has placed you."

Results: This equates loyalty to an institution with loyalty to God, using fear and guilt to control decisions. However, the "church" is the body of Christ, not a single organization (1 Corinthians 12:27). This tactic refocuses dependence from God to the church. We are commanded not to forsake the assembling of ourselves (Hebrews 10:25).

Over-spiritualizing obvious problems

Example: Sometimes in a church, harmful practices are tolerated rather than confronted and corrected. Someone may come to the leadership and point out an unethical, unbiblical, or illegal practice.

Typical gaslighting response: "We just need to pray more and have stronger faith."

Results: Real issues are avoided.  The insinuation is that to bring up these harmful practices is unspiritual. One starts to use prayer as a scapegoat for doing the right thing. We conclude: "Maybe I'm not spiritual or have strong enough faith." While prayer is essential, it does not replace responsibility. James 2:15–17 reminds us that faith without action is dead.

How can we guard ourselves from gaslighting?

1. Anchor Yourself in Objective Truth: Gaslighting works by detaching you from reality, so your first defense is to stay grounded in what is true.

• "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth" (John 17:17)

Guardrail: Regularly anchor your thinking in Scripture—not in opinions, emotions, or shifting narratives. When truth is fixed, manipulation loses power.

2. Test What You Hear: Do not automatically accept claims, especially when they attempt to redefine your experience.

• "Test all things; hold fast what is good" (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
• "The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps" (Proverbs 14:15)

Guardrail: Pause and evaluate: Is this accurate? Is this consistent with the truth? Is there evidence?

3. Refuse Isolation—Stay in Godly Community: Gaslighting thrives in isolation but weakens in the presence of wise, godly counsel.

• "In the multitude of counselors there is safety" (Proverbs 11:14)
• "Every matter must be established by two or three witnesses" (2 Corinthians 13:1)

Guardrail: Invite trusted, mature believers into situations where confusion exists. Truth is clarified in the community.

4. Pay Attention to Actions, Not Just Words: Gaslighters often say the right things while doing the opposite.

• "You will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16)

Guardrail: Watch patterns of behavior over time. Consistency reveals truth more than statements do.

5. Hold to Reality—Do Not Surrender Your Perception Lightly: One of the most dangerous effects of gaslighting is self-doubt.

• "God is not the author of confusion" (1 Corinthians 14:33)

Guardrail: If something consistently feels wrong, do not dismiss it quickly. Bring it into the light, examine it, and seek confirmation.

6. Address Issues Directly and Biblically: Avoid indirect communication or internalizing confusion.

• Matthew 18:15–17

Guardrail: Go directly to the source with humility and clarity. This disrupts manipulation and forces truth into the open.

7. Guard Your Heart from Bitterness and Fear: Even when wronged, your response must remain Christlike.

• "Keep your heart with all diligence…" (Proverbs 4:23)
• "Let all bitterness… be put away from you" (Ephesians 4:31–32)

Guardrail: Do not let manipulation produce sinful reactions. Stay grounded in grace and truth.

8. Recognize When Authority Is Being Misused: Not all authorities are exercised biblically.

• "Not domineering over those in your charge" (1 Peter 5:3)

Guardrail: Respect authority—but do not equate it with infallibility. Authority must align with truth.

9. Stay Consistent in Truth Over Time: Gaslighting often collapses when confronted with steady, consistent integrity.

• "We have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty…" (2 Corinthians 4:2)

Guardrail: You do not need to defend yourself, live consistently in truth, constantly, and clarity will emerge.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting has had its most damaging effect when it is combined with authority, isolation, and moral or spiritual pressure, because in those moments, people begin to distrust not just others but their own conscience and perception of reality.

As mentioned earlier, one of the earliest and clearest biblical examples is in Genesis 3, where the serpent subtly reframes truth— "Did God really say…?"—causing Eve to question what she knew to be true. The damage was not just deception, but a shift in trust away from God and toward a manipulated narrative, plunging mankind into sin and separation.

In Scripture, similar harm appears wherever influence is used to distort truth and control perception. In 3 John, a leader spreads accusations and controls others' access, isolating and discrediting those who oppose him. In each case, the most serious damage is not just what happens externally, but internally—people are left doubting their voice, their judgment, and sometimes even God's truth.

I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. So, if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church (3 John 9-10, ESV)

Consider how our culture has accepted irrationality as the truth.

• Not being able to discern genders.
• Claiming that one can identify as another creature or even something as inanimate as a color
• Not understanding commitment, patriotism, and the ethical treatment of humanity.

We have been convinced that no one really tells the truth or even knows the truth.

• Did we land on the moon?
• Is the Earth round or flat?
• Artificial Intelligence has become so convincing that we are unable to trust what we see, read, or hear as the truth.
• Do you really know that this article was not created in ChatGPT or another AI program?
• I just gaslighted you into questioning reality. See how easy that was to initiate doubt.

The common thread in every case is the same. It begins by convincing us to deny reality. Then we are provided with a rationale to discredit the facts (i.e., the "fact-checkers" after a Presidential State of the Union address).  Then comes the reframing of the narrative.

Historically and in modern contexts, the same pattern causes the greatest harm in high-control environments (abusive relationships, unhealthy churches, authoritarian systems), where questioning is discouraged, and dissent is labeled as weakness or rebellion. That's why Scripture consistently calls believers back to truth, light, and community—because gaslighting loses its power wherever truth is spoken openly and tested in the light (John 3:20–21; 2 Corinthians 13:1).