Thankfully, parents and politicians are waking up to the destructive risks related to unfettered access to the internet and its “attention economy.” When I began studying questions of technology and moral formation 15 years ago, I recall reading one thinker essentially argue: “We don’t have long-term studies on the damage this might do to children. You can take the risk if you want, but I’d prefer not to.” Well, now we have those studies, we realize the magnitude of the risk and the likelihood of the damage, and concern seems to be coalescing around some helpful fences and regulations. This is good, full stop. 

But is it the full picture? 

Or, put differently: What trade-offs might we anticipate as we guide our children’s use of the internet? It’s important for us to identify the dangers that we as parents should avoid, while also establishing proper limits for our children. In all of this, we ought to do so with the right goals in mind and in a way that helps our children see and yearn for the very good things God intends for them. 

Identifying the dangers of the internet for kids

Even with the best of intentions, when we put limits in place to deny our children access to dangerous, addictive platforms, we are wise to be cautious about forming their moral imagination in such a way that they think all of what is off limits is bad. As they grow into responsible adults, this sensibility can lead them to struggle to develop the right perspective on enjoying the good before them. 

One obvious example of this is sex. When I talk with my teenage sons about fleeing from sexual temptation, especially as it comes through online access that seems anonymous, I don’t minimize how important it is to avoid it. I explain why we have the protective features on their phones and that those features will stay in place until they are adults. I talk to them about the dangers of addiction and about how it might deform their views of other people (especially women), among other things. But I don’t stop there. 

I also always try to at least remind them with a sentence or two: Sex is a good and wonderful gift from God; one that God likely intends each of them to enjoy with his future wife. I don’t need to provide further detail, and I don’t need to try to use as many words about the positives of sex within marriage as I do about the dangers of online pornography. But I need to make sure their minds and hearts are formed not to name the wrong enemy—sex—out of fear for the real enemy—sexual immorality and predatory, addictive platforms and websites. 

God made a good creation, and that creation has been distorted and bent and nearly completely ruined by sin. But the gospel compels us to remind our children—even in small ways when we’re protecting them from its brokenness—that part of the draw to that addictive thing (whatever it may be) is something good that God actually intends for them. 

Establishing proper limits for kids’ internet access

In our good desire to avoid the bad, we can easily find ourselves promoting the same strategies that the Pharisees did with the Law. Do the priests need to follow some washing rituals? Well, how about everyone follows extreme washing rituals before every meal, just in case (Matt. 15:2-3). Should we be careful about being pulled into the wicked behavior of sinners? Well, how about you totally avoid them, and certainly don’t engage with them socially in dinner settings (Matt. 9:10-11). Getting your tithe together? Well, you’d better go through your spice drawer rather than paying attention to bigger injustices around you (Matt. 23:23). Or perhaps we look at the limits other parents use and find ourselves with the temptation to one-up those parents with greater limitations for our children (1 Kings 12:10).

Each parent will need to navigate this challenge, taking into account individual children, particular cultural moments, and wise reflection. But we ought to at least acknowledge the temptation not only to put up fences to protect our children, but to put fences around those fences. We can easily track the trail of damage that unfettered internet access has caused over the past 20 years, but over that same time period we can tell another story: parents becoming increasingly protective and controlling of their children in many other ways. (In fact, some note the irony that parents won’t let their children go beyond the front yard unattended, yet those same parents provide unfiltered internet access to the same children.)

We are wise to remember that the family is a pedagogical community (Eph. 6:4), one in which God has given parents the charge of discipling their children into adults who follow Jesus, and doing so in a way that won’t lead to discouragement (Col. 3:21). We need to do that with wisdom and with an eye toward them growing and developing so that by God’s grace they make the right choices. This means we can’t put fences around the fences, and it probably also means we need different strategies for protecting them from the “vice industry” that appropriately change as they mature and develop. 

To be clear, I don’t mean at all that we should wash our hands of the need to regulate internet access and protect our children. As Christian parents, this is a clear responsibility for us at this moment as our world continues in rebellion against our Good Creator and Savior. But we are prudent to do so with the goal of wanting our children to be captured by the good that God has designed for them.

Editor’s note:

And here’s the Good News: Protecting children can include helping them recognize the good that God intends for them. A limit can become part of a patient conversation about love, responsibility, and growing maturity. Parents can explain what they are protecting while listening to the child before them, and they can reconsider their approach as that child develops. Which internet rule could you explain to your child in a way that names the good you hope it will help protect?

This article was originally posted on the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission (ERLC) blog. Used by permission. erlc.com

Original article: Helping our children resist vice and love good.