In his fictitious book The Code of Honor, which explores the tension of life in the Middle East, author Alan Gratz pens seven rules “all heroes should live by.” Kamran, a high school star athlete, assists his younger brother, Darius, who was falsely accused of a crime, in clearing his name and restoring honor to his family.  

The seven rules are:  

1) Be the strongest of the strong.

2) Be the bravest of the brave.

3) Help the helpless.

4) Always tell the truth.

5) Be loyal.

6) Never give up.

7) Kill all monsters. We were big on killing monsters. (This refers to honorably taking care of problems rather than avoiding them as they occur.[i])

When problems arise, what do we do? How do we handle them?

Fight or flight is a common phrase to describe the normal reaction during challenges. As a school administrator for over four decades, I can attest that each day is like playing the whack-a-mole arcade game. When one problem is addressed, and a solution is determined, another problem that needs to be whacked pops up. Like water that always follows the pathway of least resistance, the natural tendency is to find the quickest, easiest, non-confrontational means to resolve it. Sometimes, we ignore it, hoping it will just go away. At other times, we run from it, thinking that dodging it will eventually put enough distance from it that it won’t haunt us anymore.

Conflict is inevitable. No relationship is immune. When managed honorably, conflict can serve as a catalyst for change and an opportunity for spiritual and relational growth. "When Christians become peacemakers, they can turn conflict into an opportunity to strengthen relationships and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Jesus Christ." [ii]

Problem-solving requires honor and integrity.

We haven't heard much about this subject recently. There seems to be an epidemic of a lack of honor in our world, and honor appears to have lost its meaning over the years. The major problem in defining honor is that it means many different things to many people. It means nothing to some, everything to others, and some people just do not care one way or the other.

Herbert Hoover wisely observed, "When there is a lack of honor in government, the morals of the whole people are poisoned." Honor is not just a word but a commitment to upholding one's beliefs and doing what is right, regardless of the consequences. It is the backbone that supports morality and courage, inspiring us to act in the best interest of all.

Christian schools have the noble purpose of instilling honor in their students.

They understand that without absolute truth, a concept that refers to unchanging universal principles in God’s Word, there can be no healthy conscience. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7). Our conscience operates based on what we know and understand. Without a strong conscience, there can be no conviction, and without conviction, we are inclined to adopt a whatever attitude that is so prevalent in the world.[iii] Whatever happens, happens. Whatever is popular is acceptable. Whatever is fashionable is to be desired.  As a result, honor has become irrelevant. Apart from God’s truth, honor has no moral compass.

Who should we honor?

Our culture says we should honor only those who earn the privilege. Only the fittest and finest deserve respect. But God calls us to respect others ahead of our interests. Romans 12:10 states, "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another."  Calvin Coolidge wrote, "No person was ever honored for what he received; honor has been the reward for what he gave." For example, Jesus Christ did not cling to His honor as God but emptied Himself to the point of death on the old rugged cross (Philippians 2:6-8). In honor, He preferred our need for salvation over His exalted position.

We are commanded to honor God, for He is honorable. We are commanded to honor our parents so that our days may be full and complete. We are to honor authority, for they are appointed by God and watch for our souls. To honor others necessitates our meekness. Nowhere are we instructed to honor ourselves. We are instructed to "let another's lips praise thee" (Prov. 27:2). However, it behooves us to remember that our character, not another's opinion, forms our true honor.

Honor must be given, not taken.

Honor cannot be stolen, bought, acquired, or taken. It has to be given away. Romans 13:7 says, “Give honor to whom honor is due.” For instance, when we acknowledge someone's good deeds, we are giving them honor. When we respect our elders, we give them honor. When we show patronage to the flag or anthem, we pay honor. When problems occur, we should deal with them in a way that shows honor to God for the opportunity to learn, discern, and mature. These are just a few examples of how honor can be given away.

Here are fifteen suggestions for handling conflicts with integrity:

1. Ask God for wisdom, gentleness, and love.
2. Prayerfully consider how to joyfully accept the person and the situation.
3. Consider the root issue and look beyond the surface symptoms or the obvious.
4. Take into consideration the other person’s perspective.
5. Quiet anger and fear by expressing them to God.
6. Have the courage to confront.
7. Don’t avoid the truth because you have been offended.
8. Be loving and gentle even when emotionally upset.
9. Be genuine in your behavior, not portraying that everything is fine.
10. Take the initiative when you know you’ve been offensive.
11. Confronting requires dialogue: listening and sharing wisdom.
12. If applicable, own it! Take responsibility for your part in the problem.
13. Go directly to the person rather than gossiping about them to others.
14. Show wisdom and discernment when choosing the best time and place to discuss the issue.
15. Avoid confrontations when others are around unless they need to be in on it.

When Christians actively resolve conflicts honorably, they can mend broken relationships and use those situations to showcase the love and transformative power of Jesus through their actions, essentially acting as a living example of Christian values in the face of disagreement.

While students at Bob Jones University, we were exposed to some of the pithy quotes from the founder, Dr. Bob Jones, that have stood the test of time. These framed quotes donned the walls of most of the classrooms. One particular saying, as they were called, that was emboldened on my heart was, “It’s never right to do wrong to get a chance to do right.” It took my meandering mind some time and distance to contemplate the meaning of that phrase. It was a statement about honorably dealing with life. Right is right, even if nobody is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everybody is doing it!  Kill the monsters while playing whack-a-mole as problems arise.

A word to the wise is always sufficient!

[i] Gatz, Alan, (2015), Code of Honor, Secaucus, NJ: Scholastic Press.

[ii] https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/conflict-resolution/

[iii] Suiter, Phil, (2015). Marks of a Healthy Christian School, East Ridge, TN: American Association of Christian Schools, p. 15.